Inconceivable: Our road to Jay

After 6 years of trying to conceive, in every which way, we finally and defeatedly said enough.  Over the years we talked about adoption and it was always an option.

In November of 2007, after meetings with an agency in The Woodlands, TX and prayers we asked for the information packet for China.  We (read: Alexa) began completing the paperwork and it was a horrendous amount.  Everything from tax filings to getting an "original" stamped birth certificate and then having it authenticated in Washington, DC.  (Thanks to Laura Morrison of Assistant Stork for physically walking this paperwork through for me http://www.asststork.com/).  It's not fun and such an invasion.  You do it though.

By January we had our home study completed by the social worker, Bernadette.  We submitted our USCIS paperwork in Jan 2008 and we received approval of I-171H on 27 Feb 2008 (per-Hague grandfathered process).  Our dossier was logged into China on 22 Apr 2008.  This process, when started, was supposed join us with a child in 1 1/2 years.  By the time the dossier was logged the wait time changed to at least 4 years.  We were devastated that after all the hard work and money put into this process we would now wait, pretty much indefinitely.  So we got back to living and just waited.

In July 2008 Pete accepted a new job that would take us to Austin, TX.  A change of address is a big deal in regards to all the paperwork with USCIS and updating the homestudy.  Additionally the USCIS I-171H approval expires after 18 mos (sooo dumb).  So when we sold our house in January 2009 the new agency, Children's Home Servies and Family Services, CHSFS (long story), advised us to wait and update the address and renewal at the same time for one cost (though the USCIS extension was a free).  In July/Aug of 2009 we did that.

At the same time Pete and I had discussions about adopting what China calls a "Waiting International Child" (WIC) and is seen as a special needs child.  We participated in our agency's online teleconferences about the WIC program and decided to go this route.  After researching and talking with other families we marked on a list of special needs which we would be comfortable with managing.  That process may sound easier than it actually is.  It's quite something to say which child with these ailments or conditions you're NOT willing to accept.  WOW that's mighty high of us!  But you have to be honest with yourself and know and understand your own limits.  Children with no perceivable conditions upon being born or adopted can show up with them later.  With that understanding you have to be comfortable with what you know and what you don't know.  Ack.   Enough of that.

Our paperwork for WIC was completed on Aug 1, 2009 and the updated home study included our desire to adopt a child up to three years old with the list of conditions we agreed upon, whether it be a girl or boy.   We had to complete another online course but that was easy after everything else.  On August 10, 2009 we coordinated with Houston's Texas Children's Hospital (Texas Children's Health Center for International Adoption) to have them ready to review any referral and medical information we received about a child.  When you receive a referral from the WIC list you have only 48 hours to decide or it becomes "unlocked".  We had to have in place someone to review it with the understanding it had to be done quickly.  We figured we had a few months before a referral came and we felt good that we had things in place for it. 

On Aug 12, 2009 CHSFS sent us the referral for Fu Jia Min (boy, 1 yoa).  Well, that was fast!!  Pete and I reviewed the information and liked what we saw so I forwarded the entire packet to TCH.  They scheduled a time for a phone consultation on the morning of Friday, August 14, 2009.  Jia Min (Jay) has a stage III cleft palate only.  This was good and bad because the cleft palate/cleft lip usually come paired together.  So the question was where was the other half of that pair?  Dr. Awesome said that it does not always have to have been paired but the high percentage of them are and IF it was paired and not in the lip then it tends to be in the heart.  She asked us to ask our agency to ask CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) for an echo-cardiogram of Jay.  She said it was actually unlikely that CCAA would get that to us and even if they did it would be so long that it wouldn't impact our decision.  Based on our long consultation with Dr. Awesome (yea, not her real name) we decided to "lock-in" on Jay.  We informed the agency as well as requested the echo.  Dr. Awesome said that when we return to Texas with Jay that we'll bring him to TCH and she'll do a full international pediatric checkup on him.  He'll meet and be evaluated by the TCH cranio-facial team for c/p surgery.  She suggested a surgery in 2-3 months after he's home for c/p and a lazy left eye lid.  Later we learned that Dell Children's, right here in Austin, has a fabulous cranio-facial team that works through-out the years with young patients from surgery to speech therapy to any additional surgeries needed when they're older.  He'll be evaluated by both and then we'll decide.
So we wait for the TA but we are encouraged.  Thank you to our friends and family for their support, advise and hand-me-downs.  We love you.  

On Aug 18, 2009 we received from CCAA our Pre-Approval to adopted Jay.  This meant that our dossier that was still in the regular long wait line would now be pulled, matched with Jay's file and moved to an expediated line.  This was fabulous news.  The agency advised that we would receive a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) in 2-3 months then following that a Travel Authorization (TA).  So we began to wait again.

On Aug 21, 2009 we received an updated on Jay.  The sent back an echo of Jay!!  Can you believe that?  Dr. Awesome reviewed the echo as well as my friend's husband, who is a pediatric heart specialist, yeah, that's cool.  They both said a-ok on the echo and we were relieved but it wouldn't have changed anything.  The update also contained new photos of Jay taken at the orphanage (Danyang Social Welfare Center).  These were great and one showed him with who we guess is a primary caregiver.  He was grinning and is so cute.

On Oct 16, 2009 were received the LOA!!  Oh boy...it's really gonna happen.  Now we're waiting for the TA which will tell us when we are allowed to travel.  It usually says you can travel in 2-3 weeks from receipt of the TA.  That would put us right at Thanksgiving 2009.  We currently have plane tickets to see Pete's sister/brother-in-law and the family in Phoenix for Thanksgiving.  So we're not sure now where we'll be.  The U.S. consulate appointments in Guangzhou is where they back track travel dates.  It's a busy place and no sense in traveling just to wait days or weeks for that appointment.  So based on that information we may not travel until in Dec or Jan 2010, Jay will be 16-17mos then.

More to follow as we get more information.